Sunday, December 6, 2009

Iona (The Performer)

These are a few of the photos I took of another young lady I met here in London. Her name is Iona and I call her the performer because she is very theatrical. She is in musical theater and in Shakespeare society. It has been a treat knowing her. Enjoy! (Like these; the rest of the photos and many works can be viewed here :)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Chocolate and Friends :)

It has been a very long time since I have posted anything here. Well, I am in London eating chocolate when it occurred to me that I have never been a huge chocolate fan until I came here. Strange but, it looks to me that my body is wanting something that is magnesium. I will confess that it is silly but I do not have the vitamins that I take back home here becasue I can not afford it so I guess that chocolate will have to do for now. So I am deciding between some places to go and I am thinking that I may just go to Ireland. That is if my mother is fine with it since she is the one financing my trip. I am looking forward to it which ever one I do.  I could just wait and plan a trip some time in the future with my sissy to go to Ireland. We shall see. I really wanted to go to Greece but that is much more expensive.

On another note; I got back in touch or should I say one of my old friends from elementary school found me on facebook. Interesting because I have been having a lot of that happening lately. She is sweet and there are only a few things that I remember about her but I do remember that we were close before she disappeared. It seems that her parents just uprooted her and her sis the day after her sis graduated. It is something getting to know her and I am sure we will have time for that once I get back. Well, I have to go. More to do!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Writing Dreams (Heart)

Well, it is late tonight and I am always thinking about different things but, today was enjoyable. I have been having nice moments where I just watch the trees, listen to some really nice music and just be. *sigh* It has been very nice. I have been finding that more and more everyday I am getting. Ready for love you know. Though I know I have it with my forever husband, their feels to be a preparing for my natural husband. Hmm...inside of me I know that it is true. Even today the Lord, my love, told me that my husband dreams of me. I could not help but to blush and be tickled by that. God is so eve perfect to me. My heart can not help but to sing. I know that one day, some day...I will be here writing on how my heart has been found by my future husband. Until then, I keep my heart held in my Lord's hands until he feels there is someone worthy enough for it.

I am so amazed and honored by that...... :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Question of Hope

I do not suppose that anyone would know what I am talking about nor would care to know. I am guessing that my own perception of life in the eve of twenty-seven would be looked at as of any difference. Of course, it can be when it is hurriedly approaching at a time of singleness. I would say that in writing this I would be expressing some form of hope when it comes to love. I look at the frankness of my youth and its utter character as a passerby. To think that when I was but fifteen it would have been the end of the world for me to think of being alone at my age. I know that the things that governed my every thought back then are now but a distant memory too wide stretched and as though I would be looking into the life of another. Even so, it is apparent that I Kandid do have my hope and faith in love for it is my faith in God that sustains me; for we all know that if God is love then it is a hope that is everlasting.

I too can not help but to think on the things that would say otherwise. My hope is great though and amass to all of the pressures of conforming to a lower standard I think myself to be doing quite well. But, alas my heart does yearn. Even in this yearning I question if my waiting were in vain. At times I am not surprised when I hear of certain persons getting married so quickly. Do I blame them? No. Not to say that marriage is the be all and end all but, it is the thought of having someone near you. Adoring you, wanting you, caring for you, and giving themselves to you and the same of giving yourself to another. At times it pains me to think on these things and I have even had times where I thought "If only I were a man." Surprising? *chuckle* Shocking? Can anyone relate, is the question or have I gone mad? I guess the purpose would be to avoid hurt but, the lie even would be to say that men do not feel pain, loneliness, or uncertainty when it comes to love. I would say that my backwards desire is a selfish one and in order to skip all the eventfulness of a woman's mind.

Suppose I am but ranting, yet, I would like to explore this a bit. What is the difference between my loneliness and the loneliness of a man? Surely, a man wants to be wanted, needed, longed for, adored in some sort of fashion but, is it all different? I may never have this question answered or any question for that matter. I guess that in my waiting I would like to understand my counter part. Therein too, I am at a bit of a loss. For example one of my dealings is the aspect of availability. You hear it many a time to make oneself available. How is that? When you are a woman of good moral standing, not flirtatious, nor ill of mind, how do you make yourself available when you are right there, open and ready to commit? I must say that I do not understand my own role but, I am like a story ready to move on to another chapter in life. Hmm....although socially the thought of time would, (I imagine) seem but an enemy to a woman then to a man. What is time anyway but the lowly ticking's of sound and word. I guess I just continue to wait and keep hope that one day, some day I can finally expose my love to my chosen. Until then I sigh.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Friendly Banter???

Well, today I wrote a message to a friend of mine. I felt bad about some things said which revealed to me his heart on matters of trust. Let me give you some insight on this matter. I went to a retreat this past weekend and it was a lot of fun. The day that we were about to leave a bunch of us were kidding around and telling my friend that he needed to show us his cooking skills and make a friend her egg in the hole. We were encouraging him and all and he started expressing that he did not believe us when we were encouraging me. This made me feel bad because I was not being mean or anything but genuine about my intent and so were the other women. He then expressed in a joking but not way that he did not trust us to be genuinely encouraging him. I sort of did not give it any thought until today. I wrote him an apology for ever making him feel that way and letting him know that was not my intention. 
Him and I have always had some banter back and forth and sometimes there are things said jokingly that hurt and I would let him know. I have slowed down on my jokes with him because I don't want to have a hurtful friendship with him and we both need to respect one another. i have not heard anything from him but hopefully this will help.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Being Me

Shoot, shoot, shoot! So it is happening again. Here I go again with that ache again. Just when I think that I am doing fine here comes that ache. You know, the ache that every woman goes through. Now if any woman says that they do not experience the ache they are lying. I am definitely letting myself go through it this time. I need too.

Okay let me clarify some things. I have been fighting or should I say pushing back the feeling of interest in any guy. Let's just say I have been trying to busy myself and ignore the feelings. One thing that I have learned recently is that I have made myself very hard. It is not fun at all. Now, I am learning, learning to open my heart up and all though hurt is always there, that is just apart of life really. One can not say that they are immune to life, or even try to fake that there is not some deep desire in the heart. The heart needs to love, and beat, and breath in life the way that it has always suppose to had been.

As a woman we have been given such beauty to give to others and instead we either hoard it to self, or fear so much that or beauty will be rejected that we decide that we are not beautiful at all. I can not operate that way any more. I have decided to let others see the beauty within me so that it can inspire them and gravity them closer to the one of true beauty. This is not about outside, but what has been hidden deep inside of every woman. So, yes...all though I am interested in someone I am looking for God to really open that up. We shall see.